Heroes are made when you make a choice

Wow.

I just had the most beautiful breakdown. A breakdown that was long overdue.

I am going through a Bible study called "He is my life" by Debbie Alsdorf. It's about loving others as Christ did. I think I mentioned this a couple blogs back.

I just finished my third week, and I can notice a difference in things. Yes, there are still some things that I am still working on, but I can feel a small difference. I'd rather take small steps and inch my way closer to my goal and climb to the top of the mountain verses taking giant leaps, reaching my goal in record time, only to fall and fail. I am learning to enjoy the obstacles in the way; they are helping me to grow and learn from my experiences.

Here is an example from this week. There is a salesman at work that, for some reason I can't quite figure out, I can't stand. Don't ask me why. I don't think that he ever did anything to me, and if he did, it was probably over something so stupid. Well, he came up to me at the window. I actually politely spoke with him. I wasn't short in answering him nor did I give him one word answers. I looked at him. I smiled at him. And I think that we actually laughed. Huh. Breakthroughs can be done.

But today, about a half hour ago, is when the breakdown came.

If you haven't seen the movie "To Save a Life", I really think that you should. I have heard nothing but good reviews about this movie, but then, I have heard reviews of other good movies only to be let way down.

This wasn't a slap in the face movie. This was a, "Mindy, I'm going to really open your heart and cause you to see what I see" moment. I watched it.

I became emotionally drained. I couldn't help but think of all the people that I have past on the street that probably needed a smile or a simple wave. Or the person that needed a door opened for them at the grocery store because their arms were full. Instead what did they get? A silent judgment. A glare. A "I'm better than you, so why would I associate myself with you" thought.

Some Christian I can be, huh?

I am so glad that God opened my eyes. I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. But too often, I become this person that I want the most not to be just to "fit in". Why? I can't take whatever I have here on this earth with me when I die.

Would I rather have a handful of gadgets that will last for a short period of time only to change in a matter of minutes? Or, would you rather have that warm, bear hug saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

I think I would chose the latter. At least, I knew I would have saved at least someone's life down the road instead of drowning myself in my headphones or games. No, I'm not saying that they are all fun. But I think I would like to see that person that I might have passed up smile and welcome them home when they pass from this world to the next.

When you feel that little tug in your stomach, don't ignore it. It's probably God tugging at your heart, breaking it to feel what He feels when He sees someone lonely and lost.

Here's a little phrase I came up with that I am trying to live by:
You can't say no to His go.

Sure, you can try and go a different path, but He's always going to lead you back.

Are you going to be a hero?

American Idol: Cure or Curse?

So, my cousin-in-law called me today and asked if I was standing in line for American Idol auditions in Milwaukee, WI today. I told him no becuase there would have been no way of getting off of work, and I put myself on vocal rest becuase my voice has been acting funny and I have a bunch of weddings and other things coming up that I don't want to blow it out. My voice is my other sources of income.

I told him this and he was like, "Well, I guess you don't want it enough."

This is where I got defensive. Ever since people heard that American Idol was coming to Milwaukee, I have been getting asked if I was going or not. I told most people "no" because I knew I didn't want to go. A bunch of my family members got upset and told me that I obviously don't want it enough.

Want what? Fame? Fortune? The chance to live my dream?? Of course I want it. But my priorities have been reshuffled since I first heard about American Idol back in the day.

I don't understand why my family thinks that I HAVE to do American Idol and if I don't, I don't want to live out my dream enough. And when I tell them that it's not what God is telling me to do right now, they get all funny and come back with the "I don't want it" thing again. I'm giving back my talent where it belongs: back to God by writing, singing, and worshiping. I don't have to be rich and famous. That's what they want for me and they want to live vicariously through me.

I think as a family, they should be happy for me and my decisions. I have so many opportunities presenting themselves that I'm excited and scared. God knows what's best for me. And now that I think of it, I remember Dad saying one time, that I would never make it on Idol. Not because I don't have the talent, but because of the atmosphere. The "Hollywood" side of music is not for me. And I knew exactly what he meant.

My music is about God. God is my music. And I want to write, sing and perform just for Him. I want to give everything I have back to him. I don't want to parade on a stage in front of millions of people, hoping and wishing they vote for me to make it through to the next round. My only vote that matters is the one from God.

And His plan for me is all that should matter. I'm trusting Him. I'm leaning on Him. I am trying to decipher if it's my voice or His when I make a decision. And the decision to not do American Idol was not mine. I fought it for seven years. And God won.

I just wish my family would be happy and support my decisions. I get defensive when they tell me that I don't know what I want or that I am giving up on my dreams. I shouldn't have to defend myself. But I do and I get upset and it shows.

I am praying that God lays on their hearts and sees that my choices are going to be what's best for it at that time in my life. It just aches my heart when they can't see that God is moving. It's hard being in a family that doesn't understand my faith. They support it, yes. But I can't discuss it with most of them. They start to fidget and turn away.

God, you know what best and I am trusting you.

Good luck to all those that actually do try out for American Idol. My prayers, thoughts and wishes are with you.

Carry My Cross

There are no words to describe what Jesus did for me today. He loved me so much that he took ALL my sins on his shoulders and died for me so I may be washed clean.

Thank you for your love, mercy, and grace, Jesus. Without You, life wouldn't be worth living.

This is a little vid I did some years ago as I was reflecting on Holy Week. Carry My Cross is such a powerful song and the Passion of the Christ was such a powerful movie that it only seemed natural to fit them together. I hope this video touches you somehow. God loves you. He always has. He always will. Nothing you can do will ever stop that. And remember, even if you feel alone in this world, He is MUCH closer than you think!!

Fear....

January 12, 2010~Haiti hit by an earthquake

February 10, 2010~Chicago has mild earthquake
February 27, 2010~Chile hit by an earthquake
February 27, 2010~Hawaii hit by tsunami caused by Chile earthquake

Do I have reason to be afraid? Well, I am.

I have seen some videos on Youtube about people saying, “oh, it’s not the End Times, you don’t know what you are talking about.” Or, “You Christians are crazy saying that God is saying something to you people.”

I think I have reason to be afraid. To me, things just seem to be getting worse and worse in the world. I know earthquakes happen on a regular basis in some countries. But I haven’t seen this magnitude of them being publicized.

I think that God is speaking and people are taking their time to wake up. I think God has been speaking to us for centuries and we have been ignoring his light tap on the shoulder saying, “Hey, buddy, come and smell the coffee. It’s time to open your eyes.” So now, instead of being subtle, he’s placing His hands on our shoulders and shaking us violently to force us to open our eyes.

We don’t know how long the End Times are supposed to be. I mentioned them to someone at work the other day, and they rolled their eyes and was like, “Really? This stuff has always been going on. We’ve always been in the ‘end times’”. I’m sure we have. But things seem to be getting more and more violent. And more and more frequent.

It makes me question my faith. Not so much to the point that if I believe in God or not, but to the point of how strong is it, knowing that if something like this would happen to me, would I be able to still praise Him in the storm.

And I am afraid. I am afraid of what’s to come. I’m afraid of having a complete tragedy knock on my door. I am afraid of dying slowly.

I think it’s only human to be afraid. But that makes me get closer to God in prayer. Why does it take a tragedy to do so? Because it’s opening my eyes. Life is short. VERY SHORT. And I don’t want to take any minute that God is giving me for granted.

I know where I’m going when I die. I know that I will be at Jesus’ feet, safe. But in this fragile human form, I have nothing to cling to but the faith and hope that God will protect me in a time of disaster. I may not be one of the fortunate one day and will need to remember that even in the time of trial, I will rise. And God will be there holding my hand and leading through that dark, dark valley to the brightest of sunrises.

Come Together Now

Come Together Now (Music City Unites For Haiti) from Music City Unites For Haiti on Vimeo.

God's Loving Kindess

For some reason or another, I have never actually been able to wrap my fingers around the concept of God being my Father; my Daddy. Or Jesus as my brother.

I have always known God as a powerful omni-present being, the one that hears my prayers. And Jesus to be my Savior, but I never actually considered them to be part of my immediate family like I do my brother or my dad.

I have tried in the past to pray about it and take my cares to God like my father, but there was always a barrier that blocked me from feeling the things that I truly needed to feel to help me understand that God is my Father and I can go to him for anything that I need. I may not get it in an answer that I want like my Dad does to me, but He will answer me somehow. This I know. But I never could just close my eyes, reach out my arms and run to God like a little child does when they scrape their knee and he holds them tight and comforts them saying, "I'm here. You are okay. Daddy's here."

I have had a hard time over the past couple months trying to get into my Bible trying to learn what God wants me to. My mind was always distracted and I couldn't tell you how many times I would read the same sentence over and over and over again. I am grateful for the new friends that I have found at my new church. I started going to a new reunion group along with my regular one that I attend from the people of Walk to Emmaus. The new reunion group I chat with are women from my new congregation that have attended Via de Cristo which is similar to the Walk to Emmaus.

Ruth, one of the ladies from the group said to me, "Mindy, don't go to church-go to worship. And don't read the Bible- STUDY it."

I really needed to hear that because I was getting caught up in my schedule and I couldn't keep up with the daily readings and I wasn't retaining anything.

I did my study this morning and I had a new found, newly freshened look on the Bible. It was on God's kindness and how we really need to come to him as a child comes to a Father. He is our Daddy and we need to trust him like a child does. They mimic things that the parent does.

This makes me think of my 2 year old nephew. He does everything that my brother does. He is definitley a Daddy's boy. He follows Marshall around the house/yard with his Handy Manny tools and helps Daddy fix things. He runs to Daddy when it's time to sleep or he just needs a hug.

That's how I want to be with God. I want to look up to him and follow everything that He teaches me. I want to mirror him.

And I need to learn that Jesus is not only my Savior, but also my big brother. As I was reading my Bible study, I got this image of Jesus and I chatting over Starbucks, goofing off in the park, playing card games, crying into His shoulder, soaking it wet. That's the relationship I want with Jesus. I need to start making it personal again. I want to look at Him not only as my Savior and Brother, but also my lover. I want to be focused on nothing but him. I his love for me to fill me completely and make me whole. Sometimes that void just takes over and and I can't find anything to fill it, even when I try seeking it in the Word.

I am slowly learning to have an intimate relationship with my Daddy and Big Brother. I want it so much.

The Sparrow at Starbucks

A friend of mine sent me this lovely little story about how God can use ANYONE to further His kingdom. I hope this story gives you a sense of hope to know that you do belong in this world and you are cradle gently in the palm of His hands. Enjoy!

The song that silenced the cappuccino machine


It was chilly in Manhattan but warm inside the Starbucks shop on 51st Street and Broadway, just a skip up from Times Square . Early November weather in New York City holds only the slightest hint of the bitter chill of late December and January, but it's enough to send the masses crowding indoors to vie for available space and warmth.

For a musician, it's the most lucrative Starbucks location in the world, I'm told, and consequently, the tips can be substantial if you play your tunes right. Apparently, we were striking all the right chords that night, because our basket was almost overflowing.

It was a fun, low-pressure gig - I was playing keyboard and singing backup for my friend who also added rhythm with an arsenal of percussion instruments. We mostly did pop songs from the '40s to the '90s with a few original tunes thrown in. During our emotional rendition of the classic, "If You Don't Know Me by Now," I noticed a lady sitting in one of the lounge chairs across from me. She was swaying to the beat and singing along.

After the tune was over, she approached me. "I apologize for singing along on that song. Did it bother you?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "We love it when the audience joins in. Would you like to sing up front on the next selection?"

To my delight, she accepted my invitation. "You choose," I said. "What are you in the mood to sing?"

"Well. ... do you know any hymns?"

Hymns? This woman didn't know who she was dealing with. I cut my teeth on hymns. Before I was even born, I was going to church. I gave our guest singer a knowing look. "Name one."

"Oh, I don't know. There are so many good ones. You pick one."

"Okay," I replied. "How about 'His Eye is on the Sparrow'?"

My new friend was silent, her eyes averted. Then she fixed her eyes on mine again and said, "Yeah. Let's do that one."

She slowly nodded her head, put down her purse, straightened her jacket and faced the center of the shop. With my two-bar setup, she began to sing.

Why should I be discouraged?
Why should the shadows come?

The audience of coffee drinkers was transfixed. Even the gurgling noises of the cappuccino machine ceased as the employees stopped what they were doing to listen. The song rose to its conclusion.

I sing because I'm happy;
I sing because I'm free.
For His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me.

When the last note was sung, the applause crescendoed to a deafening roar that would have rivaled a sold-out crowd at Carnegie Hall. Embarrassed, the woman tried to shout over the din, "Oh, y'all go back to your coffee! I didn't come in here to do a concert! I just came in here to get somethin' to drink, just like you!" But the ovation continued.. I embraced my new friend. "You, my dear, have made my whole year! That was beautiful!"

"Well, it's funny that you picked that particular hymn," she said.
"Why is that?"
"Well . .." she hesitated again, "that was my daughter's favorite song."
"Really!" I exclaimed.
"Yes," she said, and then grabbed my hands. By this time, the applause had subsided and it was business as usual.. "She was 16. She died of a brain tumor last week."
I said the first thing that found its way through my stunned silence. "Are you going to be okay?"
She smiled through tear-filled eyes and squeezed my hands. "I'm gonna be okay. I've just got to keep trusting the Lord and singing his songs, and everything's gonna be just fine." She picked up her bag, gave me her card, and then she was gone.

Was it just a coincidence that we happened to be singing in that particular coffee shop on that particular November night? Coincidence that this wonderful lady just happened to walk into that particular shop? Coincidence that of all the hymns to choose from, I just happened to pick the very hymn that was the favorite of her daughter, who had died just the week before? I refuse to believe it.

God has been arranging encounters in human history since the beginning of time, and it's no stretch for me to imagine that he could reach into a coffee shop in midtown Manhattan and turn an ordinary gig into a revival. It was a great reminder that if we keep trusting him and singing his songs, everything's gonna be okay.

The next time you feel like GOD can't use YOU, just remember...

* Noah was a drunk
* Abraham was too old
* Isaac was a daydreamer
* Jacob was a liar
* Leah was ugly
* Joseph was abused
* Moses had a stuttering problem
* Gideon was afraid
* Sampson had long hair and was a womanizer
* Rahab was a prostitute
* Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
* David had an affair and was a murderer
* Elijah was suicidal
* Isaiah preached naked
* Jonah ran from God
* Naomi was a widow
* Job went bankrupt
* John the Baptist ate bugs
* Peter denied Christ
* The Disciples fell asleep while praying
* Martha worried about everything
* The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
* Zaccheus was too small
* Paul was too religious
* Timothy had an ulcer...AND
* Lazarus was dead!

No more excuses now!!

God can use you to your full potential. Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger. God bless.