Tuesday, July 20, 2010

American Idol: Cure or Curse?

So, my cousin-in-law called me today and asked if I was standing in line for American Idol auditions in Milwaukee, WI today. I told him no becuase there would have been no way of getting off of work, and I put myself on vocal rest becuase my voice has been acting funny and I have a bunch of weddings and other things coming up that I don't want to blow it out. My voice is my other sources of income.

I told him this and he was like, "Well, I guess you don't want it enough."

This is where I got defensive. Ever since people heard that American Idol was coming to Milwaukee, I have been getting asked if I was going or not. I told most people "no" because I knew I didn't want to go. A bunch of my family members got upset and told me that I obviously don't want it enough.

Want what? Fame? Fortune? The chance to live my dream?? Of course I want it. But my priorities have been reshuffled since I first heard about American Idol back in the day.

I don't understand why my family thinks that I HAVE to do American Idol and if I don't, I don't want to live out my dream enough. And when I tell them that it's not what God is telling me to do right now, they get all funny and come back with the "I don't want it" thing again. I'm giving back my talent where it belongs: back to God by writing, singing, and worshiping. I don't have to be rich and famous. That's what they want for me and they want to live vicariously through me.

I think as a family, they should be happy for me and my decisions. I have so many opportunities presenting themselves that I'm excited and scared. God knows what's best for me. And now that I think of it, I remember Dad saying one time, that I would never make it on Idol. Not because I don't have the talent, but because of the atmosphere. The "Hollywood" side of music is not for me. And I knew exactly what he meant.

My music is about God. God is my music. And I want to write, sing and perform just for Him. I want to give everything I have back to him. I don't want to parade on a stage in front of millions of people, hoping and wishing they vote for me to make it through to the next round. My only vote that matters is the one from God.

And His plan for me is all that should matter. I'm trusting Him. I'm leaning on Him. I am trying to decipher if it's my voice or His when I make a decision. And the decision to not do American Idol was not mine. I fought it for seven years. And God won.

I just wish my family would be happy and support my decisions. I get defensive when they tell me that I don't know what I want or that I am giving up on my dreams. I shouldn't have to defend myself. But I do and I get upset and it shows.

I am praying that God lays on their hearts and sees that my choices are going to be what's best for it at that time in my life. It just aches my heart when they can't see that God is moving. It's hard being in a family that doesn't understand my faith. They support it, yes. But I can't discuss it with most of them. They start to fidget and turn away.

God, you know what best and I am trusting you.

Good luck to all those that actually do try out for American Idol. My prayers, thoughts and wishes are with you.


Emily Lynn said...

I can only imagine how hard it is to not feel support from your family or not be able to discuss something so important as your faith. I have been extremely blessed with the comfort of being able to talk openly with my family and that has brought deep understanding between us.

The American Idol auditions just came through Nashville, as you know. My mom and I were watching something about it on the news one day and she asked me if I wished I was one of the people standing out there in line. My answer was, "No, I'm not interested in moving to Hollywood." My life would be turned upside down if I actually made it on the show. And my life is on track right now. I'm also not interested in all of the publicity and flashiness and glorification of all that is meaningless.

I, like you, have had many people tell me they think I should go on the show, that I would be a shoe-in to make it through. And while I'm grateful for their confidence in my ability, I'm pretty sure that I can safely say that I would never touch American Idol with a ten-foot poll. More power to you if you go, but it's not for me.

Liz said...

Believe me when I say you can do so much better than American Idol. :) I've only watched the past couple of seasons, but the whole process looks horrible. If you made it past the backstabbing, sleep-deprived, conflict-riddled Hollywood rounds to the voting, you'd have to sing/do/wear what the producers tell you to, and that's just not you. You need to write your own music. Plus, like Emily said, it's all about self-glorification, and your music is about glorifying God. Which is why I love it. :)

Ahoy! Thanks for stopping by. Sometimes life should be an open book and here you will find that true. My mind is always on full speed and I will be heading over many waves. I hope this journey is as much of an adventure for you as it is for me~ ~Mindy