I am Gomer, Hosea's Wife

If you are unfamiliar with the story of Gomer, here's a quick background. She was a girl with a reputation. Promiscuous or possibly working as a prostitute. But God told Hosea to marry an unfaithful woman. So he did- he married Gomer. And he fell in love with her. But she still continued her bad behavior. Read more about Hosea and Gomer in the bible: Hosea 1:1-3:5.

Hi. My name is Gomer.

Seems we all can relate to Gomer at some point in our life, can we not? We've all had done something in our past that was wrong. Let me tell you a little story...

In the past few months, I have been Gomer more than I care to claim. No, I have not been sleeping around or selling my body. For the record, and I will never been ashamed of it, I am still a virgin and will be until I find the man I will marry. But, like Gomer, I've made choices that I could have changed. BIG choices. I hurt a few people that I care about. Not once. Not twice. But more than that. I kept getting that little niggling, "Don't do it, Mindy. It's not worth it." But I kept retorting back, "Oh, just this one little time will not hurt." And that one little time snowballed and ended up damaging those people emotionally and physically. But I was only thinking of myself and not the other people that I was hurting. And right now, I'm living with the mistakes that I have made.

I had been forgiven in the past by the people that I hurt, but this time, if forgiveness comes, it will take some time I'm sure. And trust and confidence will need to be built. I grenaded that wall down and now, brick by brick, I'm hoping to build it back with those people. I love them dearly. I learned from my mistakes.

And even though I feel like if I were them and I wouldn't ever forgive me, I deep down that God has forgiven me. He is Love. And he loves us unconditionally, just as Hosea loved Gomer even though she continued on her path of wickedness. But, just because God forgives us daily and days are made fresh and new in his love and mercy, doesn't give us free reign to go and continue to do the bad. Sometimes, it's going to take more than once, twice or three times to get it through out thick skulls to NOT do something that could be potentially harmful to you or others. *points to self * case in point. I hurt others over and over again, but this last time was the final time. I learned my lesson. This is an opportunity to learn from the wrongs and grown in character.

Just as God loves us and forgives us, we are to love and forgive others. It may not be immediate like God does, but eventually time will forgive. I need to take the "ME" goggles off and think before I speak or do something. I can stop the cycle.

Hi. My name is Gomer. And I have done things in the past that I am not proud of. But I'm willing to change them.




I just spoke silence with the seeker next to me
She had a heart with hesitant, halting speech
That turned to mine and asked belligerently
"What do I live for?"

I see the scars of searches everywhere I go
From hearts to wars to literature to radio
There's a question like a shame no one will show
"What do I live for?"

We are Hosea's wife
We are squandering this life
Using people like ladders and words like knives

[CHORUS]
If we've eyes to see
If we've ears to hear
To find it in our hearts and mouths
The word that saves is near
Shed that shallow skin
Come and live again
Leave all you were before
To believe is to begin

There is truth in little corners of our lives
There are hints of it in songs and children's eyes
It's familiar, like an ancient lullaby
What do I live for?

We are Hosea's wife
We are squandering this life
Using bodies like money and truth like lies

[CHORUS]

[Bridge]
We are more than dust
That means something
That means something
We are more than just
Blood and emotions
Inklings and notions
Atoms on oceans 

American Idol: Cure or Curse?

So, my cousin-in-law called me today and asked if I was standing in line for American Idol auditions in Milwaukee, WI today. I told him no becuase there would have been no way of getting off of work, and I put myself on vocal rest becuase my voice has been acting funny and I have a bunch of weddings and other things coming up that I don't want to blow it out. My voice is my other sources of income.

I told him this and he was like, "Well, I guess you don't want it enough."

This is where I got defensive. Ever since people heard that American Idol was coming to Milwaukee, I have been getting asked if I was going or not. I told most people "no" because I knew I didn't want to go. A bunch of my family members got upset and told me that I obviously don't want it enough.

Want what? Fame? Fortune? The chance to live my dream?? Of course I want it. But my priorities have been reshuffled since I first heard about American Idol back in the day.

I don't understand why my family thinks that I HAVE to do American Idol and if I don't, I don't want to live out my dream enough. And when I tell them that it's not what God is telling me to do right now, they get all funny and come back with the "I don't want it" thing again. I'm giving back my talent where it belongs: back to God by writing, singing, and worshiping. I don't have to be rich and famous. That's what they want for me and they want to live vicariously through me.

I think as a family, they should be happy for me and my decisions. I have so many opportunities presenting themselves that I'm excited and scared. God knows what's best for me. And now that I think of it, I remember Dad saying one time, that I would never make it on Idol. Not because I don't have the talent, but because of the atmosphere. The "Hollywood" side of music is not for me. And I knew exactly what he meant.

My music is about God. God is my music. And I want to write, sing and perform just for Him. I want to give everything I have back to him. I don't want to parade on a stage in front of millions of people, hoping and wishing they vote for me to make it through to the next round. My only vote that matters is the one from God.

And His plan for me is all that should matter. I'm trusting Him. I'm leaning on Him. I am trying to decipher if it's my voice or His when I make a decision. And the decision to not do American Idol was not mine. I fought it for seven years. And God won.

I just wish my family would be happy and support my decisions. I get defensive when they tell me that I don't know what I want or that I am giving up on my dreams. I shouldn't have to defend myself. But I do and I get upset and it shows.

I am praying that God lays on their hearts and sees that my choices are going to be what's best for it at that time in my life. It just aches my heart when they can't see that God is moving. It's hard being in a family that doesn't understand my faith. They support it, yes. But I can't discuss it with most of them. They start to fidget and turn away.

God, you know what best and I am trusting you.

Good luck to all those that actually do try out for American Idol. My prayers, thoughts and wishes are with you.