American Idol: Cure or Curse?

So, my cousin-in-law called me today and asked if I was standing in line for American Idol auditions in Milwaukee, WI today. I told him no becuase there would have been no way of getting off of work, and I put myself on vocal rest becuase my voice has been acting funny and I have a bunch of weddings and other things coming up that I don't want to blow it out. My voice is my other sources of income.

I told him this and he was like, "Well, I guess you don't want it enough."

This is where I got defensive. Ever since people heard that American Idol was coming to Milwaukee, I have been getting asked if I was going or not. I told most people "no" because I knew I didn't want to go. A bunch of my family members got upset and told me that I obviously don't want it enough.

Want what? Fame? Fortune? The chance to live my dream?? Of course I want it. But my priorities have been reshuffled since I first heard about American Idol back in the day.

I don't understand why my family thinks that I HAVE to do American Idol and if I don't, I don't want to live out my dream enough. And when I tell them that it's not what God is telling me to do right now, they get all funny and come back with the "I don't want it" thing again. I'm giving back my talent where it belongs: back to God by writing, singing, and worshiping. I don't have to be rich and famous. That's what they want for me and they want to live vicariously through me.

I think as a family, they should be happy for me and my decisions. I have so many opportunities presenting themselves that I'm excited and scared. God knows what's best for me. And now that I think of it, I remember Dad saying one time, that I would never make it on Idol. Not because I don't have the talent, but because of the atmosphere. The "Hollywood" side of music is not for me. And I knew exactly what he meant.

My music is about God. God is my music. And I want to write, sing and perform just for Him. I want to give everything I have back to him. I don't want to parade on a stage in front of millions of people, hoping and wishing they vote for me to make it through to the next round. My only vote that matters is the one from God.

And His plan for me is all that should matter. I'm trusting Him. I'm leaning on Him. I am trying to decipher if it's my voice or His when I make a decision. And the decision to not do American Idol was not mine. I fought it for seven years. And God won.

I just wish my family would be happy and support my decisions. I get defensive when they tell me that I don't know what I want or that I am giving up on my dreams. I shouldn't have to defend myself. But I do and I get upset and it shows.

I am praying that God lays on their hearts and sees that my choices are going to be what's best for it at that time in my life. It just aches my heart when they can't see that God is moving. It's hard being in a family that doesn't understand my faith. They support it, yes. But I can't discuss it with most of them. They start to fidget and turn away.

God, you know what best and I am trusting you.

Good luck to all those that actually do try out for American Idol. My prayers, thoughts and wishes are with you.

Six Impossible Things

In honor of Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, I have decided to take Alice up on her "Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast" quote. Here are the things that I have learned about myself in the last couple of years:

1. UP IS DOWN
Wrong is right, right is wrong, left is right, right is left. Safely put: GOD IS GOD and His ways should be my own.

2. STEPPING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE REALLY ISN'T AS SCARY AS YOU MAKE IT OUT TO BE.
I've done a lot of tings over the past couple of years that I never would have dreamed ever doing before. Stepping out and just doing them, I proved to myself that I can do anything if I set my mind to it. Yes, it will feel scary at first, but in the end, it will feel great to do something that you never thought you could do before.


3. DREAMS CAN COME TRUE IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
I never really truly applied myself before. And when I would, I would try and achieve something so far out of my grasp that I would give up. Start small. Move up the ladder slowly. Revel in the climb to your goal; whether good or bad endings, big or small.

4. SOCIETY'S VERSION OF ACCEPTANCE CAN STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE.
For so long I have tried to fit into society's mold of what is pretty, good and accepted. I have learned over the years that God loves you as you are, right where you are. Love yourself, then it will be easier to love others. If you are bitter with yourself, it will show when you speak to others. I am learning as I get older to be happy in my own skin and what God wants me to be.


5. IT'S MORE OUR HOUSES, NOT OUR HEARTS, A 1,000 MILES APART.
I've met so many great people through message boards online. I thank God for the opportunity to meet all these lovely people with whom I've *hopefully* created lasting friendships with.

6. IT'S OKAY TO BE A LITTLE MAD AS A HATTER.
God laughs. So I, too, shall laugh, cackle and gafaw. Life is too short to be a stick-in-the-mud. I am goofy, odd and completely me. I dance, sing and entertain in a style all my own. That's how God made me. I like being different. And different is quite alright by me


Now....it's your turn. I want to see what six impossible things you have learned about yourself or obstacles you have conquered in the past few years. Don't be shy. Step up and celebrate who you are.

Mouse Tales

I want to step off the plane at Orlando International Airport, I want to get to our resort as quickly as possible and bury myself in Disney for a week without coming up for air.


Staying on-site allows guests to mainline the magic. You are completely immersed in that ambiance 24 hours a day, for your entire stay.


I don't want to drive the wrong way under the welcoming arch until it's time to go home. I'm not interested in seeing fast food restaurants along the highway or visiting Wal-mart, Publix, Hooters, or Target. (Maybe Hooters.) But for the most part I do not want to be reminded that there is a real world outside the gates of Walt Disney World. And by staying on-site, I am allowed, for a brief time, to forget about the day-to-day hassles and real life worries associated with life away from my vacation destination of choice.
~Excerpt from Mousejunkies!: Tips, Tales, and Tricks for a DISNEY WORLD fix by Bill Burke (emphasis mine)

"You are completely immersed in that ambiance 24 hours a day, for your entire stay." I so can't wait to do that. And though it's still 349 days away till I depart on my adventure to that Magical Land called Disney, I have started my planning and trying to find ways of cramming as much as I can possibly get in in 7 days, while leisurely strolling about Main Street USA, visiting the Pirates of the Caribbean, Cinderella Castle, etc.

Disney is not just a magical place for me. It's home. A long awaited trip home that I have been waiting to take for almost 30 years. And since I will be heading out during my birthday year, I am more than thrilled to be spending my milestone year with my mother and some really, really great friends. REAL and fictional.

Disney holds a very close place to my heart. I have always felt an attachment to it and I always wanted to work there. Yes, I'm sure everyone has dreamed of Disney at some point in their life, and yes, you cannot deny that you have laughed or even smiled at something Disney related. Most people have felt the magic sometime in their life.

I have lived with it 24/7 since I was child. I live, breathe, dream it. And so this will be a pilgrimage long coming. I will be a sappy mess. My side will hurt from laughing so hard. My heart will swell with memories coming to the brink and spilling forward and hold tight to all the new memories that will be created.

Crowds? What crowds? And the heat, you say? I care not for such trifles. They are only blips on the map that can be easily maneuvered. I will be so engrossed in Disney Euphoria that I will not even notice them. Ok, maybe for a minute or two, but the agitation will soon pass.

Yes, Disney, my home of magic and wonder. My life is about to take a beautiful turn and one more goal in my life will have been completed. I will never be the same.

Disney will never be the same once I set foot upon the magical ground.
Are you sure you are ready for me, Mickey? Minnie? Jack Sparrow, what say you?