Monday, May 10, 2010

New Way to Live

Arise, there's a new way to live
Thought we were living, but that's not what we've been
We've been, breathing out and breathing in
But the question remains have we ever truly lived.

~New Way to Live, Jason Gray

I couldn't figure out why I have been so bitter these past few weeks. I couldn't figure out why my heart had been so hardened by the things people said to me. I couldn't figure out why my eyes had adverted away from God even though I tried to seek him over and over.

I am learning that I need to surrender and forgive. Forgive being the bigger part.

During Holy Week this year, an already stressful time for me as I am journeying to the Road to Calvary, my best friend decided she wanted to end our 6 year friendship. And what made it worse for me was the fact that she couldn't do it face to face. She did everything through facebook. I was hurt, confused, angered, bitter, resentful, you name it. I cried tears but I couldn't figure out why I cried them.

Then Good Friday came. I cried, knowing that Jesus died for me and saved me. But for some reason I couldn't let go of what had happened a couple days prior.

And these past few weeks have been the same. I haven't been very close to God and I haven't talked to him, even though I thought that I was doing a good job in my life. I mean, I wasn't out drinking, I wasn't doing drugs, I wasn't out breaking the law. so that had to count for something, right?

This past weekend I spent some time with some wonderful girls of God. And we also had an added little perk of listening to one of my favorite artists, Jason Gray. There was so much that went on this past weekend, but I will make that another post in the days coming. We got to have some special time with him and he was talking to us about stuff. There was a new song that he was working on and it just wrenched my heart wide open.

I was grateful that I was in the company of amazing friends. For had I not been, I would have not been able to get through that moment. God was speaking to me and laying His hand on my heart. He was telling me: "Forgive.....forgive.....forgive. That's all you need to do. Forgive, and let it go. I will handle the rest."

I knew exactly what He was talking about. I needed to forgive my friend for what happened. And things happen for a reason. This was just a stepping stone that I couldn't get over. I tried my hardest to hang on hoping that maybe, just maybe, if I did, things could work out. But I had to step off that rock and move on to the next one, waiting for God to tell me what to do.

Jason shared a story about how God wants all of us. Not what we think he wants us to be or how we should act in front of Him. We can never truly be intimate with Him if we are not willing to share everything with Him. Even our anger.

This was another turning point for me. I had to release the anger that had built up over the past couple days and give it to God. It was holding me back from Him.

It's going to take a bit to learn to do, but this weekend with amazing friends and musicians showed me that I have to be vulnerable at the feet of Jesus. He can give me peace and joy and comfort.

And I am learning there is a new way to live. A life full of joy and happiness. Satan can attack me all he wants, but as I read God's Word and commune with other believers who will lift me up, I can stand against him. Sorry, buddy, but you can't win this fight. You never have, you never will.


Emily Lynn said...

I'm catching up on blogs tonight, thus am just now reading this.

I know you've talked to me about it before, but I'm still so sorry that you lost a friend. I can't imagine. I've had friends slowly drift out of my life, but nothing like what you've experienced. It's heartbreaking. But I know that Jesus can help you through.

I'm so glad you got to enjoy a weekend with such great friends at such a critical time. Friends who show Christ to you. And also with Jason. He is such an encouragement all the time, and I know getting to spend some time with him was a blessing. God knows what He's doing.

Ahoy! Thanks for stopping by. Sometimes life should be an open book and here you will find that true. My mind is always on full speed and I will be heading over many waves. I hope this journey is as much of an adventure for you as it is for me~ ~Mindy