Better Than a Hallelujah Sometimes

We pour out our miseries

God just hears a melody

Beautiful the mess we are

The honest cries of breaking hearts

Are better than a hallelujah

~Amy Grant

"You are confused. You think the clay is equal to the potter. You think that an object can tell the one who made it, 'You didn't make me.' This is like the pot telling the maker, 'you don't know anything.' " ~Isaiah 29:16 (NCV)

The clay is not stronger than the potter. In fact, it's purpose is to yield to the bendings and moldings of the potter's hands. But sometimes, the clay is stubborn and resists the molding of the potter. When this happens, the clay becomes dry and brittle at times. And no matter how much the potter tries to salvage the clay by re-adding water, reshaping and creating new ideas, the clay can break. 

Our lives are the clay and God is the potter. Molding, shaping, building. God puts things in front of for reasons. And sometimes we repel against what He wants for us. He bends us, shapes us, sends us on new paths, when we have ventured on "our own" way instead of yielding to His hand and voice. He is happy when we obey him. But sometimes, if we are unwilling, he has to break us. And it breaks His heart to do so. But being broken is a good thing. By breaking, we can become aware of what we are doing or the path that is leading us away from God. And even then, sometimes we refuse to listen to Him. So He will continue to break us until we hear Him. 

God gives us choices on the path of life. Sometimes we ignore the path that He has chosen for us. We ignore the whisper in our ear saying, "Turn right, my child." And defiantly we chose the path that we want instead. And at certain times, God's heart is broken and he has to break our hearts. And like the clay, we become brittle and dry. And then instead of listening to Him, we question Him. "Why? Why did you let that happen? What did I do to deserve this? How much more are you going to throw at me? If you are a loving God, why do these things happen?"

I've asked these questions many times. Sometimes I got the answer that I wanted, other times I didn't. I know it sounds cliche, but things do happen for a reason. Sometimes these seasons are gloomy and we run, run, run from God. But you know what? God is the life giving water that is always flowing. And if we cry out to Him, he'll give us that living water and replenish the dry, brittle substance. And we grow in Him, letting Him reshape us.

Sometimes it feels like we don't want to go on living because one bad thing after another comes our way. And we feel like we don't have the strength to go on. But if we lean on God and those around us for support, we can make it through the day. One step at a time. One breath in and out. God will never let us fall so far from Him that he can't reach us. He's always able to pick us up when we've fallen. His arms are always open, waiting for us to come to Him. His love is as far as the East is from the West. 

I know you are broken and feeling lost at the moment. I know you feel like there is nothing left of you; nothing that you can give to anyone. I know you have been hurt by those you love. But God is here. He's waiting. He's waiting for you to cry out to Him. He may seem far away at the moment, but he will soon whisper, "I'm here! I've never left you!" Your cry to Him is better than a hallelujah. 

I am Gomer, Hosea's Wife

If you are unfamiliar with the story of Gomer, here's a quick background. She was a girl with a reputation. Promiscuous or possibly working as a prostitute. But God told Hosea to marry an unfaithful woman. So he did- he married Gomer. And he fell in love with her. But she still continued her bad behavior. Read more about Hosea and Gomer in the bible: Hosea 1:1-3:5.

Hi. My name is Gomer.

Seems we all can relate to Gomer at some point in our life, can we not? We've all had done something in our past that was wrong. Let me tell you a little story...

In the past few months, I have been Gomer more than I care to claim. No, I have not been sleeping around or selling my body. For the record, and I will never been ashamed of it, I am still a virgin and will be until I find the man I will marry. But, like Gomer, I've made choices that I could have changed. BIG choices. I hurt a few people that I care about. Not once. Not twice. But more than that. I kept getting that little niggling, "Don't do it, Mindy. It's not worth it." But I kept retorting back, "Oh, just this one little time will not hurt." And that one little time snowballed and ended up damaging those people emotionally and physically. But I was only thinking of myself and not the other people that I was hurting. And right now, I'm living with the mistakes that I have made.

I had been forgiven in the past by the people that I hurt, but this time, if forgiveness comes, it will take some time I'm sure. And trust and confidence will need to be built. I grenaded that wall down and now, brick by brick, I'm hoping to build it back with those people. I love them dearly. I learned from my mistakes.

And even though I feel like if I were them and I wouldn't ever forgive me, I deep down that God has forgiven me. He is Love. And he loves us unconditionally, just as Hosea loved Gomer even though she continued on her path of wickedness. But, just because God forgives us daily and days are made fresh and new in his love and mercy, doesn't give us free reign to go and continue to do the bad. Sometimes, it's going to take more than once, twice or three times to get it through out thick skulls to NOT do something that could be potentially harmful to you or others. *points to self * case in point. I hurt others over and over again, but this last time was the final time. I learned my lesson. This is an opportunity to learn from the wrongs and grown in character.

Just as God loves us and forgives us, we are to love and forgive others. It may not be immediate like God does, but eventually time will forgive. I need to take the "ME" goggles off and think before I speak or do something. I can stop the cycle.

Hi. My name is Gomer. And I have done things in the past that I am not proud of. But I'm willing to change them.




I just spoke silence with the seeker next to me
She had a heart with hesitant, halting speech
That turned to mine and asked belligerently
"What do I live for?"

I see the scars of searches everywhere I go
From hearts to wars to literature to radio
There's a question like a shame no one will show
"What do I live for?"

We are Hosea's wife
We are squandering this life
Using people like ladders and words like knives

[CHORUS]
If we've eyes to see
If we've ears to hear
To find it in our hearts and mouths
The word that saves is near
Shed that shallow skin
Come and live again
Leave all you were before
To believe is to begin

There is truth in little corners of our lives
There are hints of it in songs and children's eyes
It's familiar, like an ancient lullaby
What do I live for?

We are Hosea's wife
We are squandering this life
Using bodies like money and truth like lies

[CHORUS]

[Bridge]
We are more than dust
That means something
That means something
We are more than just
Blood and emotions
Inklings and notions
Atoms on oceans 

Be Still and Know

It amazes me how God can speak to someone. So many things have been going on in my life. So many crazy and wild ideas have been floating in my head.

For example, I wanted to get the How Many Kings tour with downhere and Mark Schultz, but it wasn’t in the plan at the time. The tour booked up fast, which is good, and there are still 2 dates coming to WI, so I’m happy.

Then, a little seed that had been planted a couple of months ago started to blossom one Sunday during the sermon. Horrible timing, I know. But, I got to talking with the pastor’s daughter and she thought the idea was awesome. Oh, I should tell you what it is: it’s for a girl’s conference and a concert with Lanae’ Hale and Jaime Jamgochian. We did some talking and to start, we thought maybe a “half day” concert would be best to start and work from there in future years if it all goes well.

Then, I started thinking, “You know what? I really like the whole promoting and getting concerts and things ready…” So, then I started looking up information on going to college for Marketing. I settled on doing courses through Berklee Music on Artist Management and Music Business. The only thing with Berklee online courses they don’t accept Financial Aid, Scholarships, Grants, etc. So, I am trying to find funding on my own. I decided to go with the Winter term which would start in January 2011. Each is a 2 year course, so I should be done with stuff in 4 years.

All of this has taken place within the past couple weeks. So my brain has been on high gear and frazzled at the same time. So many choices. Where does God want me to head? And for those of you who know me, public speaking really isn’t my thing. And what has been going on? Public speaking projects. My goodness.

Then to top this all off, my sister-in-law told me about a job at another car dealership. It’s closer to home, the hours would be great; no nights or weekends. And then I could really push my singing for weddings. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job where I’m at, but the late nights and every other weekend has really started to mess with my lifestyle. I am missing things at church on certain nights that I would love to attend, but can’t because I work until 8 or later, depending on what we have going on. So I applied for the job.

Then this morning, I was doing my Bible study and it’s amazing to me how God can come to you when you need Him. I was working on my assignments and all of a sudden this little voice came into my ear.

“Mindy, slow down. Stay where you are. Sit tight. I’ve got some surprises and plans for you that I can’t wait for you to see. So, sit back and relax.”

I nodded. I would obey and listen to him. So, I’m staying where I am at with work. He hasn’t told me “no” to the school or anything else. I keep getting more and more ideas, so we shall see where he is leading me.

I also keep thinking about the little “banter” between God and I about a year back. He had planted an idea in me and I came back to Him and told him straight out “no-I stutter, I ramble, I get off track, I ramble some more. I’m not made for speaking in public. That’s why I sit behind a microphone and sing.” He came straight out and told me: “Yah? And? Look what I did with Moses.” Silence. Me: “Touche.”

When your heart is fully open to him, it’s crazy what you can do. I never really took the time to open up and let him really come in and mold me. He’s doing a number on this piece of clay and I can’t wait to see what the final result will be in the very end.

Keep on molding, God. Keep on molding.

Heroes are made when you make a choice

Wow.

I just had the most beautiful breakdown. A breakdown that was long overdue.

I am going through a Bible study called "He is my life" by Debbie Alsdorf. It's about loving others as Christ did. I think I mentioned this a couple blogs back.

I just finished my third week, and I can notice a difference in things. Yes, there are still some things that I am still working on, but I can feel a small difference. I'd rather take small steps and inch my way closer to my goal and climb to the top of the mountain verses taking giant leaps, reaching my goal in record time, only to fall and fail. I am learning to enjoy the obstacles in the way; they are helping me to grow and learn from my experiences.

Here is an example from this week. There is a salesman at work that, for some reason I can't quite figure out, I can't stand. Don't ask me why. I don't think that he ever did anything to me, and if he did, it was probably over something so stupid. Well, he came up to me at the window. I actually politely spoke with him. I wasn't short in answering him nor did I give him one word answers. I looked at him. I smiled at him. And I think that we actually laughed. Huh. Breakthroughs can be done.

But today, about a half hour ago, is when the breakdown came.

If you haven't seen the movie "To Save a Life", I really think that you should. I have heard nothing but good reviews about this movie, but then, I have heard reviews of other good movies only to be let way down.

This wasn't a slap in the face movie. This was a, "Mindy, I'm going to really open your heart and cause you to see what I see" moment. I watched it.

I became emotionally drained. I couldn't help but think of all the people that I have past on the street that probably needed a smile or a simple wave. Or the person that needed a door opened for them at the grocery store because their arms were full. Instead what did they get? A silent judgment. A glare. A "I'm better than you, so why would I associate myself with you" thought.

Some Christian I can be, huh?

I am so glad that God opened my eyes. I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. But too often, I become this person that I want the most not to be just to "fit in". Why? I can't take whatever I have here on this earth with me when I die.

Would I rather have a handful of gadgets that will last for a short period of time only to change in a matter of minutes? Or, would you rather have that warm, bear hug saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

I think I would chose the latter. At least, I knew I would have saved at least someone's life down the road instead of drowning myself in my headphones or games. No, I'm not saying that they are all fun. But I think I would like to see that person that I might have passed up smile and welcome them home when they pass from this world to the next.

When you feel that little tug in your stomach, don't ignore it. It's probably God tugging at your heart, breaking it to feel what He feels when He sees someone lonely and lost.

Here's a little phrase I came up with that I am trying to live by:
You can't say no to His go.

Sure, you can try and go a different path, but He's always going to lead you back.

Are you going to be a hero?

When Opportunity Presents Itself

I had no intentions of writing or recording a song today. I was only going to sit at my piano and practice some music for an upcoming church service. Not sing. Only play. I put myself on vocal rest for goodness sake.

But, God had other plans.

I have been really getting into this Bible Study called "He is My Life" by Debbie Alsdorf. I just finished the first week today and I am enjoying being broken and made beautiful by the words God is putting on my heart.

I have no hard time showing love to those that I love, but when it comes to showing love to the enemy or someone I don't want to be seen with, that's another thing. I am learning to be challenged by loving others as Jesus loved(s) them. It's not easy, but one small step, two at a time, I will get there.

The verses that have been really laying on my heart the past couple days in regards to loving as Christ does, are these:

1 John 3:17-18
If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 



Please take a listen. I hope it moves you to be the hands and feet of Christ. Don't mind the rough piano or vocal parts. I was so excited about it, that I wanted to get it out there for you to listen.




HANDS AND FEET

If every word I spoke- was lifted to the sky
But my heart quickly denied Your love
If my feet would walk the earth- to dry a crying eye
But the only thing they collected was dust
I would be nothing without Your love

CHORUS
Bind my heart to you, Jesus
Make it ever true
Flow into my veins and help me see
That every opportunity that presents itself is sure
To be my chance to be Your hands and feet

If for a moment I befriend- the loneliest of men
But turn away and forget his face and name
Would he truly see- You living in me
Or would my testament just be a chance at fame
I'd be nothing without Your grace

CHORUS

BRIDGE
Take this heart of stone- mold it to fit Your own
Break the barriers hiding me from You
Let it be said of me- That the only thing
Is knowing how to love like You

CHORUS

American Idol: Cure or Curse?

So, my cousin-in-law called me today and asked if I was standing in line for American Idol auditions in Milwaukee, WI today. I told him no becuase there would have been no way of getting off of work, and I put myself on vocal rest becuase my voice has been acting funny and I have a bunch of weddings and other things coming up that I don't want to blow it out. My voice is my other sources of income.

I told him this and he was like, "Well, I guess you don't want it enough."

This is where I got defensive. Ever since people heard that American Idol was coming to Milwaukee, I have been getting asked if I was going or not. I told most people "no" because I knew I didn't want to go. A bunch of my family members got upset and told me that I obviously don't want it enough.

Want what? Fame? Fortune? The chance to live my dream?? Of course I want it. But my priorities have been reshuffled since I first heard about American Idol back in the day.

I don't understand why my family thinks that I HAVE to do American Idol and if I don't, I don't want to live out my dream enough. And when I tell them that it's not what God is telling me to do right now, they get all funny and come back with the "I don't want it" thing again. I'm giving back my talent where it belongs: back to God by writing, singing, and worshiping. I don't have to be rich and famous. That's what they want for me and they want to live vicariously through me.

I think as a family, they should be happy for me and my decisions. I have so many opportunities presenting themselves that I'm excited and scared. God knows what's best for me. And now that I think of it, I remember Dad saying one time, that I would never make it on Idol. Not because I don't have the talent, but because of the atmosphere. The "Hollywood" side of music is not for me. And I knew exactly what he meant.

My music is about God. God is my music. And I want to write, sing and perform just for Him. I want to give everything I have back to him. I don't want to parade on a stage in front of millions of people, hoping and wishing they vote for me to make it through to the next round. My only vote that matters is the one from God.

And His plan for me is all that should matter. I'm trusting Him. I'm leaning on Him. I am trying to decipher if it's my voice or His when I make a decision. And the decision to not do American Idol was not mine. I fought it for seven years. And God won.

I just wish my family would be happy and support my decisions. I get defensive when they tell me that I don't know what I want or that I am giving up on my dreams. I shouldn't have to defend myself. But I do and I get upset and it shows.

I am praying that God lays on their hearts and sees that my choices are going to be what's best for it at that time in my life. It just aches my heart when they can't see that God is moving. It's hard being in a family that doesn't understand my faith. They support it, yes. But I can't discuss it with most of them. They start to fidget and turn away.

God, you know what best and I am trusting you.

Good luck to all those that actually do try out for American Idol. My prayers, thoughts and wishes are with you.

Six Impossible Things

In honor of Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, I have decided to take Alice up on her "Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast" quote. Here are the things that I have learned about myself in the last couple of years:

1. UP IS DOWN
Wrong is right, right is wrong, left is right, right is left. Safely put: GOD IS GOD and His ways should be my own.

2. STEPPING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE REALLY ISN'T AS SCARY AS YOU MAKE IT OUT TO BE.
I've done a lot of tings over the past couple of years that I never would have dreamed ever doing before. Stepping out and just doing them, I proved to myself that I can do anything if I set my mind to it. Yes, it will feel scary at first, but in the end, it will feel great to do something that you never thought you could do before.


3. DREAMS CAN COME TRUE IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
I never really truly applied myself before. And when I would, I would try and achieve something so far out of my grasp that I would give up. Start small. Move up the ladder slowly. Revel in the climb to your goal; whether good or bad endings, big or small.

4. SOCIETY'S VERSION OF ACCEPTANCE CAN STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE.
For so long I have tried to fit into society's mold of what is pretty, good and accepted. I have learned over the years that God loves you as you are, right where you are. Love yourself, then it will be easier to love others. If you are bitter with yourself, it will show when you speak to others. I am learning as I get older to be happy in my own skin and what God wants me to be.


5. IT'S MORE OUR HOUSES, NOT OUR HEARTS, A 1,000 MILES APART.
I've met so many great people through message boards online. I thank God for the opportunity to meet all these lovely people with whom I've *hopefully* created lasting friendships with.

6. IT'S OKAY TO BE A LITTLE MAD AS A HATTER.
God laughs. So I, too, shall laugh, cackle and gafaw. Life is too short to be a stick-in-the-mud. I am goofy, odd and completely me. I dance, sing and entertain in a style all my own. That's how God made me. I like being different. And different is quite alright by me


Now....it's your turn. I want to see what six impossible things you have learned about yourself or obstacles you have conquered in the past few years. Don't be shy. Step up and celebrate who you are.

Tangled up in Disney

So, here's the new trailer for Tangled, Disney's latest Animated film. I remember seeing stuff a couple years ago with concepts of the story leaked on to Youtube. I hadn't heard anything up until recently and didn't think anything of it. Now, I can't wait for this to come out.

I laughed hard at the trailer and I hope that all the good stuff isn't going to just be in the trailer, which seems to happen alot lately. Or, you don't understand the story line and it's just a bunch of pretty pictures.

But I think that most of us know the story of Rapunzel. Or at least vaguely. I think Disney is going to up it and change it around. Which will be fine as long as it's close to the original story.

And I have to say, I kinda have a crush on Flynn Rider. I don't remember the last time I thought a Disney character was "hot", if you will. This is excluding Jack Sparrow. Most of you know my slight admiration for the rugged pirate.

Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi will be playing Rapunzel and Flynn. Most of you remember Mandy from her role in A Walk to Remember or as a musical artist. Most of you, (ME!) have a crush on or love watching Chuck on NBC. Yes, Chuck is playing Flynn. Maybe that's why I have a slight crush on the character. Who knows. I'm having an identity crisis when it comes to the men I seem to like. Or, my horizons are very wide and I like choices. Yet again, who knows. :)

Anywho, I hope that you enjoy the trailer. Have fun with side kicks, kung-fu hair and cheesy pick-up lines :)

World of Color Show~Disneyland

I saw this on the Disney Blog today and was blown away! I knew this was going to open soon, I just didn't know when! Someone put the whole 26 minute show up in 3 segments. Yes, not going to lie. I choked up a bunch of times. It was phenomenal. Too bad it's only going to be seen at Disneyland.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday, Johnny Depp!

Thanks for making me laugh, smile, and cry over 20+ years in the business! I hope that you have a wonderful birthday and it is blessed to the brim!

Mouse Tales

I want to step off the plane at Orlando International Airport, I want to get to our resort as quickly as possible and bury myself in Disney for a week without coming up for air.


Staying on-site allows guests to mainline the magic. You are completely immersed in that ambiance 24 hours a day, for your entire stay.


I don't want to drive the wrong way under the welcoming arch until it's time to go home. I'm not interested in seeing fast food restaurants along the highway or visiting Wal-mart, Publix, Hooters, or Target. (Maybe Hooters.) But for the most part I do not want to be reminded that there is a real world outside the gates of Walt Disney World. And by staying on-site, I am allowed, for a brief time, to forget about the day-to-day hassles and real life worries associated with life away from my vacation destination of choice.
~Excerpt from Mousejunkies!: Tips, Tales, and Tricks for a DISNEY WORLD fix by Bill Burke (emphasis mine)

"You are completely immersed in that ambiance 24 hours a day, for your entire stay." I so can't wait to do that. And though it's still 349 days away till I depart on my adventure to that Magical Land called Disney, I have started my planning and trying to find ways of cramming as much as I can possibly get in in 7 days, while leisurely strolling about Main Street USA, visiting the Pirates of the Caribbean, Cinderella Castle, etc.

Disney is not just a magical place for me. It's home. A long awaited trip home that I have been waiting to take for almost 30 years. And since I will be heading out during my birthday year, I am more than thrilled to be spending my milestone year with my mother and some really, really great friends. REAL and fictional.

Disney holds a very close place to my heart. I have always felt an attachment to it and I always wanted to work there. Yes, I'm sure everyone has dreamed of Disney at some point in their life, and yes, you cannot deny that you have laughed or even smiled at something Disney related. Most people have felt the magic sometime in their life.

I have lived with it 24/7 since I was child. I live, breathe, dream it. And so this will be a pilgrimage long coming. I will be a sappy mess. My side will hurt from laughing so hard. My heart will swell with memories coming to the brink and spilling forward and hold tight to all the new memories that will be created.

Crowds? What crowds? And the heat, you say? I care not for such trifles. They are only blips on the map that can be easily maneuvered. I will be so engrossed in Disney Euphoria that I will not even notice them. Ok, maybe for a minute or two, but the agitation will soon pass.

Yes, Disney, my home of magic and wonder. My life is about to take a beautiful turn and one more goal in my life will have been completed. I will never be the same.

Disney will never be the same once I set foot upon the magical ground.
Are you sure you are ready for me, Mickey? Minnie? Jack Sparrow, what say you?

Epic Fail

I was debating on whether I wanted to post this or not or keep it in my private journal. But, I decided, since I have great friends who will hold me accountable for my actions, I will tell you all.

I was not a very good person the other day. Saturday, May 15th, to be exact. I was waiting in line at Walmart with my mom, brother and his family. In front of us were two ladies buying items. I snubbed them and turned and said something to my mother that I don't appreciate people that are clearly well off, (They obviously had enough money to go and get piercings everywhere and tattoos, but yet they couldn't feed their children, so they recieve help from the government to supply them with baby formula, juices, etc...) I thought that I said it quiet enough so they wouldn't hear me.

Clearly, I didn't. The lady came up to me and said, "Next time, keep your comments to yourself." They walked away and her friend yelled out, "**tch" to me." I raised my shoulders and said that how I didn't care. I didn't appreciate people living off the system so they can go and spend useless money on things like tattoos and such.

When we were getting in the car, the ladies were waiting for us outside Walmart. They drove down the other lane and yelled the same profanities back at me. I didn't look at them,  but shook my head and let my blood boil. It stayed with me all evening long. I held on to that anger.

Did they have a right to offend me? NO.
Did I have a right to judge them? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

I went ahead and did God's bidding. I judged the person. Instead of praying for them and asking God to provide for them and care for them as a friend, I went ahead and thought with my mouth. I am still learning to not be so offensive to people. I don't understand where this is all stemming from-I haven't pin pointed it. But I don't like what I do when I do things like that. I feel horrible afterwards and I KNOW that I was doing wrong, still I went ahead and did it.

It's actions like mine that make people second guess Christians. What kind of model of Christ am I if I go about spouting my tongue off to people? I forget that I am supposed to love my neighbors, pray for them, support them....and here I defend myself saying as to why they shouldn't be doing what they are doing, since I am not doing it....but take a good look in the mirror, Mindy. You are just as guilty as they are.

So, my friends, I feel better getting that of my chest. I confessed my sins and I am looking absolution.

How doth do you take it?

I am finishing up a fan fiction that I am sad to end, but as you know, all stories come to an end. In the final chapter, I wrote a love poem for two of the characters. Now, I am not a sappy, lovey-dovey kind of person. I gag every time I see someone all in love or whatnot. I probably guarantee, that some day that will be me. But for now, I will let my stomach churn at people's public displays of gaggy affection.

And since I have never been in love, I was thinking to myself; "Self, how in the world are you going to write a love poem when you have never been in love?" To that I replied: "I have never been in love, but I have experienced love many times in my life."

As I was writing this, it was aimed for the characters, but as I was reading it over this morning to try and punch out the final chapter, I was reading the words:


“How doth the sun shine so brightly in the mid of day
 How doth the night sky darken where the stars happily play
 How doth my heart grow fond of the love that I give
 How doth do you take it, my fairest, to live?
 How doth do you take it, my fairest, to live?

 Do you take it with a spoonful of sugar
 Or do you take it with the sourest of vinegar
 I pray that you doth take it with my heart in mind
 For I shall always love you, my dearest divine.
 For I shall always love you, my dearest divine.”


In reality, this could be God talking to us. How do we take His love? Do we willingly accept it or do we turn our cheek and ignore it and giving it the foulest taste in our mouths?

I know that I have not been the most openly accepting of it. I have turned my back on God too many times to count, but I always come seeking it when I most need it.

And as the sun burns in the mid day and as the stars dance in the dark midnight, God is always there waiting for us, arms stretched out wide. Nothing can separate us from Him. He is always seeking us. And He wants to wrap us in His arms, cradle us in the palms of His hands and never let us go.

Jesus is our love song. Jesus is our love poem. And I will be sappy in love with Jesus until I see Him face to face. Of course, like any couple, we will have our moments, me mostly being the cause of it since I don't know how to surrender, He will be waiting and forgiving.

AGAPE; unconditional love. I want to show that to people.

New Way to Live

Arise, there's a new way to live
Thought we were living, but that's not what we've been
We've been, breathing out and breathing in
But the question remains have we ever truly lived.


~New Way to Live, Jason Gray

I couldn't figure out why I have been so bitter these past few weeks. I couldn't figure out why my heart had been so hardened by the things people said to me. I couldn't figure out why my eyes had adverted away from God even though I tried to seek him over and over.

I am learning that I need to surrender and forgive. Forgive being the bigger part.

During Holy Week this year, an already stressful time for me as I am journeying to the Road to Calvary, my best friend decided she wanted to end our 6 year friendship. And what made it worse for me was the fact that she couldn't do it face to face. She did everything through facebook. I was hurt, confused, angered, bitter, resentful, you name it. I cried tears but I couldn't figure out why I cried them.

Then Good Friday came. I cried, knowing that Jesus died for me and saved me. But for some reason I couldn't let go of what had happened a couple days prior.

And these past few weeks have been the same. I haven't been very close to God and I haven't talked to him, even though I thought that I was doing a good job in my life. I mean, I wasn't out drinking, I wasn't doing drugs, I wasn't out breaking the law. so that had to count for something, right?

This past weekend I spent some time with some wonderful girls of God. And we also had an added little perk of listening to one of my favorite artists, Jason Gray. There was so much that went on this past weekend, but I will make that another post in the days coming. We got to have some special time with him and he was talking to us about stuff. There was a new song that he was working on and it just wrenched my heart wide open.

I was grateful that I was in the company of amazing friends. For had I not been, I would have not been able to get through that moment. God was speaking to me and laying His hand on my heart. He was telling me: "Forgive.....forgive.....forgive. That's all you need to do. Forgive, and let it go. I will handle the rest."

I knew exactly what He was talking about. I needed to forgive my friend for what happened. And things happen for a reason. This was just a stepping stone that I couldn't get over. I tried my hardest to hang on hoping that maybe, just maybe, if I did, things could work out. But I had to step off that rock and move on to the next one, waiting for God to tell me what to do.

Jason shared a story about how God wants all of us. Not what we think he wants us to be or how we should act in front of Him. We can never truly be intimate with Him if we are not willing to share everything with Him. Even our anger.

This was another turning point for me. I had to release the anger that had built up over the past couple days and give it to God. It was holding me back from Him.

It's going to take a bit to learn to do, but this weekend with amazing friends and musicians showed me that I have to be vulnerable at the feet of Jesus. He can give me peace and joy and comfort.

And I am learning there is a new way to live. A life full of joy and happiness. Satan can attack me all he wants, but as I read God's Word and commune with other believers who will lift me up, I can stand against him. Sorry, buddy, but you can't win this fight. You never have, you never will.

What is Freedom

I haven't written much lately. I know, I have been a poor, poor blogger. But I have been busy writing music and other stories...aka fan fiction. I am on a fan fic yahoo group called the Black Pearl Sails where we write about, you guessed it, Pirates of the Caribbean. It's a guily pleasure that I have :)

Anyway, this weeks drabble is on Poetry. And since it's poetry month, that's what they decided to do. Now, I haven't written poetry in a very, very long time. But it was a fun little challenge to say the least. This is what I came up with. I hope that you enjoy it.

Comments are appreciated :)



FREEDOM

What is freedom?

Freedom is the wind blowing around your face
Caressing it with her gentle fingers
Letting her sweet words and phrases linger
Holding you in an embrace
 

Freedom is the horizon's sunrise
Warming you with her golden rays
Coaxing you and leading you for days
Reminding you that you are alive
 

Freedom is the miniscule escape
From the advancing enemies grasp
A ragged sigh of relief and you clasp
Tightly to the treasure that's yours to proclaim
 

Freedom is the groaning plank boards beneath
The swaying on the white-capped waves
The way that Calypso plays
With your home under your feet
 

You asked me my friend, and I can tell you sure
She is my love, my life, my all
She is ever faithful, not letting me fall
What freedom is, is the Black Pearl.

The Vertical Self

I didn't know what I was going to expect from the book. Okay, maybe I did know a little since I knew what the “vertical self” meant. I was actually drawn in more by the cover of the book than anything. I liked the contemporary feel. For some reason, that's usually how I pick the books I read-by the cover. Then if I like the summary of the book I'll read it. Sometimes I have success, sometimes I don't.

This book was a success for me. I have always been battling with “myself”, as it were, instead of just letting God take control. And even though I knew most of the stuff in the book, it was nice to have a refresher course on why I wasn't letting God consume all of me. It's amazing how this world can really be an influencer in your life without even realizing it. Even in the Christian world. So many times we are caught up in pleasing ourselves, that really this life is all about pleasing God.

Stayer plays out The Vertical Self in eleven chapters. He breaks down how society has played a huge roll in the development of our cultures from generations past to present. He convieniently places Scripture where it needs to be said to bring us back to the truth of things: GOD is in control; not us. At the end of the book, there is a short “Bible Study” that a group can use for their weekly meetings. I used it on an individual level and my journal is jam-packed full of pictures, diagrams, scripture, and thoughts.

I recommend reading this if you are new to the Christian faith and are struggling with at the battle lines on “who's side to be on” or even if you have been a Christian for a long time and just need a good dose of reminding who you really belong to.

Welcome to my Wonderland

For those of you who don't know me well, or for those of you who do, I love to write. Doesn't matter what it is. I love to write. It's a way of expressing myself. Though, sometimes I don't always make sense when I write and it's hard to portray what is going on inside of my head.

I love to write music. I also love to write fanfiction. It's one of my guilty pleasures. I am on a couple of sites that have things called "drabbles". Drabbles are usually short stories about 100-200 words long and it's written from a single word prompt. Example:Each week we are given a word. So let's say, "LOVE" was used. You would use that word to form a story around it. It's fun creating stories of your favorite characters. Mine happen to be anything Johnny Depp. But it's mostly Jack Sparrow since it's so easy to create an adventure for him. I also have recently fallen in love with Tarrant Hightopp-the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. What a great character!

So I had a dream about him one night and I got this story formed. I am in the process of writing it right now, but I am posting it on my writing blog.

I hope you stop by and read some of my work. I enjoy feed back. I am also in the process of writing a novel- non-Johnny Depp. :) I am stuck on it write now. I have the basic storyline playe out, I just can't get my characters to move forward.

You can view my stuff HERE. I hope you all enjoy it!!

Carry My Cross

There are no words to describe what Jesus did for me today. He loved me so much that he took ALL my sins on his shoulders and died for me so I may be washed clean.

Thank you for your love, mercy, and grace, Jesus. Without You, life wouldn't be worth living.

This is a little vid I did some years ago as I was reflecting on Holy Week. Carry My Cross is such a powerful song and the Passion of the Christ was such a powerful movie that it only seemed natural to fit them together. I hope this video touches you somehow. God loves you. He always has. He always will. Nothing you can do will ever stop that. And remember, even if you feel alone in this world, He is MUCH closer than you think!!

Fear....

January 12, 2010~Haiti hit by an earthquake

February 10, 2010~Chicago has mild earthquake
February 27, 2010~Chile hit by an earthquake
February 27, 2010~Hawaii hit by tsunami caused by Chile earthquake

Do I have reason to be afraid? Well, I am.

I have seen some videos on Youtube about people saying, “oh, it’s not the End Times, you don’t know what you are talking about.” Or, “You Christians are crazy saying that God is saying something to you people.”

I think I have reason to be afraid. To me, things just seem to be getting worse and worse in the world. I know earthquakes happen on a regular basis in some countries. But I haven’t seen this magnitude of them being publicized.

I think that God is speaking and people are taking their time to wake up. I think God has been speaking to us for centuries and we have been ignoring his light tap on the shoulder saying, “Hey, buddy, come and smell the coffee. It’s time to open your eyes.” So now, instead of being subtle, he’s placing His hands on our shoulders and shaking us violently to force us to open our eyes.

We don’t know how long the End Times are supposed to be. I mentioned them to someone at work the other day, and they rolled their eyes and was like, “Really? This stuff has always been going on. We’ve always been in the ‘end times’”. I’m sure we have. But things seem to be getting more and more violent. And more and more frequent.

It makes me question my faith. Not so much to the point that if I believe in God or not, but to the point of how strong is it, knowing that if something like this would happen to me, would I be able to still praise Him in the storm.

And I am afraid. I am afraid of what’s to come. I’m afraid of having a complete tragedy knock on my door. I am afraid of dying slowly.

I think it’s only human to be afraid. But that makes me get closer to God in prayer. Why does it take a tragedy to do so? Because it’s opening my eyes. Life is short. VERY SHORT. And I don’t want to take any minute that God is giving me for granted.

I know where I’m going when I die. I know that I will be at Jesus’ feet, safe. But in this fragile human form, I have nothing to cling to but the faith and hope that God will protect me in a time of disaster. I may not be one of the fortunate one day and will need to remember that even in the time of trial, I will rise. And God will be there holding my hand and leading through that dark, dark valley to the brightest of sunrises.

A Father's Love Letter

I stumbled upon this while looking for something to add to my Bible Study. Wow. The Truth.

http://www.habeeb.com/fathers.love.letter/fathers.love.letter.english.html

Father's Love Letter
My Child ~
You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb ~ Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me ~ John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed ~ John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being ~ Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you ~ Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you ~ 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me ~ 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32
                                                                                                   Love, Your Dad, Almighty God